METAMORPHOSIS

You are not stagnant. You are ever changing. Life is constantly evolving. This metamorphosis is transforming you. Perhaps the wait is scary. I know. I get it. I feel the stretch and discomfort too. I am fearful of the unknown and fluctuations. Through this process of recovery, change is inevitable. In life, change is always right there. Maybe it’s time to no longer see it as an enemy, rather your permission to soar. 

In many circumstances, I have wanted to stay where I felt safe and comfortable. Truly, in this season of the unknown, I find myself wanting to run back to my cocoon, where I felt protected. Yet, that cocoon was and is no longer serving me. It was killing me.

I try to remind myself that there is so much beauty in this stage of growth. We grow when we step out of our cocoon. We grow when we spread our wings. These moments do not have to be “big”. I put them in quotes because our steps in life are all different. There is no measure to one vs the other. No butterfly is the same. Own your unique path, growth, and beauty. Comparison keeps you small. Be the bold you you were created to be. Do not shrink yourself to fit in boxes you were not made to fit in. You deserve to take up space; you deserve to soar. 

This season of metamorphosis for me is not sexy. It is far from perfect. I know I am not quite where I want to be and this transformation stage is uncomfortable. To be quite honest, I very much hate being in the middle of the process. It is scary as I go from being on bed rest and fighting for my life to feeling so alone and unfamiliar in my growing body. There is this subconscious pressure in me to always have to look a certain way. The vicious voices scream in my head, “You aren’t pretty enough”, “No guy will ever TRULY love you for you”, “You will forever be lonely”, “You don’t belong here anymore”, “You are gaining too much”, “You look worse with each day”, “You are out of control”, “Give in to the eating disorder”. Life lately has been dark. Terribly dark. I have been so alone in my distress. I have felt lost and so hopeless. One of the biggest motivators is that I know each day I am one step closer. One step closer to health. One step closer to freedom. One step closer to my authentic self. 

I know transitions are hard. I see you. And you have to jump. You have to break out of your cocoon. The only way to be free is getting your foot out the door, walking through the fire, and just doing the hard things. Be patient and graceful with yourself. I am with you on this journey too. 

xox,

j